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i dreamt of my brother last night.
he was younger, probably around 12 or so, which is ironic when i think about it because that was about the last year he was so innocent… but it was the first thing i remembered when i woke up this morning. there wasn’t anything completely odd about the dream, but i remember he had a twin brother… instead of what he actually has… a twin sister. and he came to me because he was in trouble and scared, but i never got to find out the reason why.

i rolled over as usual to look at my cell phone when i woke up, and i had a message from my mother.

she basically said that my brother had a seizure, fell and hit his face on the concrete outside, and was in the hospital attached to wires, getting stitches, and something about xanax.

i called my sister (his twin) to get the full story, because there is absolutely no history of epilepsy in my family, on top of the fact that my brother is twenty. the first thing i thought when i saw “xanax” in the message, was that he overdosed or something… but i spoke to him a little while ago and he said he actually took himself off the xanax a few days ago, and because he didnt do it slowly, the seizure occurred. thankfully as of right now… he’s okay… but they’re monitoring him at the hospital, and he’s waiting for the cardiologist to come look at his heart.

i realized after the fact that the other kid in my dream was not his twin, but his best friend that passed away years ago.
i’m pretty sure that was a message in itself.

other than that… this week has been incredibly upsetting, for a lot of reasons, and i feel like its nothing but one thing after the next.

but i want to say something, especially in here, because i know that the people i want to see this… a good percentage of them do read this blog.
i REALLY thought long and hard about this, especially that just the other day i said i would take the high road and bite my tongue. but honestly… some more information was brought to my attention yesterday, and because of that, i want you to know the truth.
so for you guys… my friends in fed hill… you all know who you are…
the jackass that has lived with us that you all love… or… most of you love because you only see him when you’re drinking and so you aren’t thinking straight… the other half of you think he’s a weirdo…

either way… he took the liberty of throwing you ALL under the bus last night… without hesitation… and he did it to save his ass… with ME.

this is the same guy you all invite out to parties, happy hours, etc. the same guy who everyone thinks is a NICE guy. the one we opened our home to, put together a party for, and introduced you all to…. wanting him to feel not only welcome, but comfortable… and accepted.
THIS guy, doesn’t care about anyone but himself. THIS guy, decided to run his mouth to all of you over the weekend, telling you a half-ass story, and making it look like what happened was not as serious as it was. the fact that i’m even writing about this right now is bothering me… because i like to leave my business where it rests. in my home. but i CANNOT be quiet about this. especially knowing that everyone DOES NOT know what actually happened, and ONLY KNOWS what he decided to tell.
and since you all know from him already… let me tell you what he decided to leave out.
his white trash friends were coked out in my home. bringing alcohol and weed into my house (while i do not smoke), is not something that i flip out over.
you bring COKE into my house, however, and you have to deal with me.
they repeatedly, with him involved, made degrading and derogatory remarks about women…. for HOURS.
rape.
rufies.
abortions.
etc.
THIS guy, LIVES with 3 females, and he laughed with his friends – one of which he told me just a week before, comes home to see his gf washing dishes and folding his laundry, and says to her “good. i see you’re learning your place as a woman”). he brings THAT guy to his house where he lives with 3 females? while they shouted and screamed about such topics of conversation? going on and on about it? he lives with THREE FEMALES. not sure if you got that memo. he doesn’t know what has or has not happened to any of us in our lives. the respect for us, as women, as well as friends and roommates… went out the window.

they were told 3 separate times to please quiet down, people were trying to sleep, because NOW… it was 7 in the morning.
he allowed his friend to speak to MY best friend, and threaten her. saying that if she didn’t get back up to her room, he would follow her upstairs and stick his dick in her ass. i’m leaving out the rest of what was said to her, because i don’t want her to be constantly reminded… but it was INEXCUSABLE.
and do you know what he did as far as his trashbag friend was concerned?

NOTHING.

the audacity that THIS guy had, to bring these fuckers into our house, cause such a commotion, upset not only my best friend, but myself as a female… and ALLOW IT to happen?
UNACCEPTABLE.

and so… the following monday, i came home from work to walk in my house as he was crying. crying, about what a terrible human being he is. how incredibly sorry he is for not making them stop. crying about how he’s checking into AA. how he’s become an awful person. how what we saw was NOT him.
i spent two fucking hours of my night standing in the same spot of my living room, accepting his apology, and believing it would never happen again.

this past weekend, most of you were in the same location, at least on saturday night.
he took it upon himself to make it party conversation, and start telling everyone what went on.
and now we’re here. because you guys did NOT know the real story.

but the best part? the VERY BEST PART?
he did all of this… because he was pissed off at ME for telling him earlier in the evening, that i’m really tired of cleaning up so much in the kitchen and that it would be nice if everyone could just help out a little more.

i KNOW, he didn’t say that to you. i KNOW he made sure to leave that major part of the story OUT of his mouth… because you all would think he was nuts for going to such extremities out of spite, just because he got pissed off like a toddler over my complaint….
my complaint… over just keeping a kitchen clean.
that complaint.

needless to say, after trying to speak to him yesterday, 3 minutes into the conversation… he made it a point to tell me, and my other roommates… your friends…
“do you know that everyone thanked me for my behavior? EVERYONE”.

really? they all thanked you? they thanked you for treating me and our other roommate like shit? they thanked you for laughing while your friend threatened to follow her up the stairs and stick his dick in her ass, causing her to feel threatened in her own home… just for saying to quiet down? really? they THANKED YOU for bringing coke into my house? they THANKED you for disrespecting women in general, and talking about how its god’s blessing when women have miscarriages? they thanked you for that? is that what you’re saying… really…

oh thats right… they didn’t know what ACTUALLY happened. thats right. they didn’t know that you felt SO BAD that a few days later, you said to me, “i will completely understand if you want to throw me out… im so sorry, i called up for help and im checking into AA…”, as you cried your eyes out in the living room we share. and then 5 days later, went and got wasted, ran your mouth to friends that WE introduced you to, and made US look like we were “overreacting”.

so just a heads up, you guys, again… all know who you are…
if you heard the story out of his mouth, you didn’t hear the story.
you heard what he wanted to tell you.
i despise the fact that its gotten this intense, and that my personal business has had to come out on here… but high road or not.. i REFUSE to allow my name to be spread in a way that is untrue. REFUSE.

i know that none of you “thanked” him. i already know this.
but i want YOU guys to know… that this is the guy you think is being nice to your face… and yet he’ll throw you under the bus the minute he’s in hot water.
just remember that the next time you see him.