http://www.lipscurvesandwords.com

so listen to this crap.

the other day i went on a rant about guys and all the bullshit that comes with most of them, and basically how i wanna meet a nice guy, its about that time in my life where i start to really get to know someone, etc etc.

without mentioning names, there are a couple of people in my life that, as of very recently, have made it more than clear that they want to do all that with me. they pretty much kinda came out of the woodwork, and i know for a fact they are genuine. however, i came to a very shocking realization the other day in the midst of all of this.

are you ready? because this is beyond ridiculous, but sadly very true…

they’re trying to bring everything i’ve been saying that i want. literally wanna take me out for dinner. literally wanna talk all night and be cute. LITERALLY want to see where things can go…. and what do i do?

i get weird.

and not only do i get weird, but i IMMEDIATELY put up a wall bigger than china’s, and i nonchalantly, and very quietly… push them away.

why… the fuck… am i doing that?

seriously, why… because… i couldn’t be more of a contradiction if i actually tried. i honestly don’t know what the hell it could be. why i’m wanting one thing and then doing another? i mean… there’s a tiny… very tiny – albeit terrifying – part of me that KIND of has an idea as to why i’m pushing people away, and i’m hoping to god i’m not right…. because that would be really unfortunate. not getting into ANY details on that one. but suffice it to say… you cant shut down your heart… or intuition… ESPECIALLY me…

and i’ll leave it at that.

am i scared? how can i be scared of something i WANT? or MAYBE… i just crave that FEELING rather than everything that comes with it?

i dont fuckin know. but its pissing me off because i’m literally fighting with MYSELF. it just doesn’t make sense.

any advice on this would be much appreciated.

oh and also? i haven’t written about him in awhile…

the love of my life, haha… luke pickett.

so… some ear candy for you below.

no joke… i’d seriously rip my clothes off just on his talking alone. lol… there’s just nothing sexier in this world to me than a british accent. attach it to a musician with tattoos and a gorgeous voice… its pretty much death for me. haha. but he honest to god has THE most beautiful voice i’ve ever heard in my life. and the control he has over it is ridiculous. i swear, there is more natural talent in this guy’s pinky than a good collective of the artists in america that are big. so once again… spreading the word. he deserves it.

he really is reason number 1 out of a billion, on why i love london.

true story.

i could listen to the first 13 seconds a good 80 times in a row and STILL… i can’t get enough of him. and let me tell you… i’ve heard him sing with no microphone, just him and his guitar, standing right in front of me. he sounded even BETTER than he does in these videos. that’s how amazingly talented he truly is. i’ll refrain from getting into how BEAUTIFUL he is too. thats another day haha.