for once in my life.

By Jessica in Uncategorized with 0 comment Tags: life, men, music, phil, video, vinny

Feb
2011

so i had a very interesting phone call with phil yesterday and he said something i haven’t heard him say in years. made me sit there pretty speechless, but also made me think about a lot of things. not gonna get into it in here… and its not the obvious that im sure everyone would think. thats not it. just made me think about my life in general. also… vinny said some things to me last night that completely caught me off guard. things no guy has ever said to me before, and at the age of 30 it was scary to hear. well… nice… but still scary. its funny how when you’re younger you want someone to say all this stuff to you… and then as you’re older and find someone who does… it scares the shit out of you.

or… it does for me anyway.
i’m such a contradiction. thats my biggest problem… always has been.
i don’t know. i’m weird i guess.

i think last night was the “guys in jessicas life need to pour their hearts out night”. it was crazy LOL. and i’m not good with that stuff. which is probably why i write. its way easier for me to write someone a novel than to TELL them what i’m feeling or not feeling. wanna read all about my heart on your 5 hour flight? awesome. i’ll pen that shit all fancy for you and you can enjoy it with your 5 salted peanuts. want me to sit next to you and talk about it all? cant happen. lol. i freeze up and i stutter and i babble and i dont make sense. and that amazes me. because i’m so outgoing and so outspoken. nothing at all really gets me to turn into a little girl… except if i have to talk about my feelings. even worse if i have to listen to someone else tell me theirs. and its just because i get shy, and i don’t even know how to respond.

i don’t think i’ll ever have wedding vows.
lol there’s absolutely no way i could do it.
id stand there wishing i could crawl under the pew.

oh well.
ha.
anyway…

i think its time for the classics…
just a few that are blasting on my playlist for today…
the music that makes me close my eyes and dance around my house.
makes my soul smile ;)