Ask Me
having a younger sister… many of her friends have always come to me asking for my opinion on certain things going on in their lives. whether it was dating, career, or life in general, i was always the “go to”. i’ve since been receiving emails from people just looking for my advice on pretty much anything. while what i offer is not professional in nature, it’s more personal, based on experience, and having lived a very “observant” life, albeit for only 30 years so far.
if you have a question or need advice, use the form at the bottom to send me an email.
i will use whatever name you give me, so if you’d prefer to be anonymous, just change it up.
your email information will never be posted… just your question.
thanks,
- j.
So, his name is Matt. I’ve always thought he was really adorable but he was dating this girl for 6 years. She was a terrible girlfriend but, that’s beside the point. They broke up and I was there for him.. I really care about him a lot and I know he cares about me too.. but I swear to god he is the most complicated individual on the planet. We’ve grown to become really close friends, I’ve met his mom.. his brother, his brothers girlfriend and they all love me just as much as I love them. We’ve hooked up a few times but nothing serious has happened physically.. Emotionally? I’m a wreck for some reason. I usually feel really strong about guys when I first meet them and then eventually they start feeling really strong for me.. and I get bored and then dump them. Matt knows my track record.. which is that I’ve dumped every single guy I have ever dated. That freaks him out. He is just so complicated though. He’s still texting his ex gf on the regular.. and she is a douche. She cheated on him, he took her back.. then she dumped him and he was devastated for a while. I was there for him through the whole thing.. and the thought of him getting back with her makes me want to vomit. I’ve gotten myself SO emotionally invested in this that sometimes it consumes my whole day.
I wish I could tell you how he feels but I honestly don’t know.. and that is probably why I’m so confused. I’ve talked to him a few times, and he gives me feedback but nothing concrete. I know that he’s confused and scared about what could happen– but so am I. Part of me thinks he’s waiting for her to “come back to him” but.. that could be my negativity. Anyway, he told my friend Jamie that I am the best thing that’s ever happened to him. He tells me all the time how great he thinks I am but he said he’s concerned that he’s not ready to “commit” himself to a relationship because of all of the responsibilities that come with relationships. I look forward to hearing what you think.
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this guy plain as day is afraid. he also, and i hate to say it, sounds like he’s not so up on the self-esteem factor. the fact that he would wait for his ex, or even give her any more of his time after everything she’s done, basically says he thinks he cant do better.
enter you from stage left. you’re obviously better. and he KNOWS this. and i think it scares the fuck out of him, because this ex gf REALLY messed with his head and his heart, and now he’s jaded and hesitant to let himself go after anything good again. he said you are the best thing that has ever happened to him. that right there should tell you to completely dip out asap.
he probably:
A, thinks she can change
B, doesnt think he can do any better
C, feels a 6yr history is a pain in the ass to start new from, or,
D, all of the above.
but either way… this boy is fully aware… that she is a douche.if you completely back off…. EVEN IF HE DOES GO BACK WITH THE EX… he WILL see what he’s missing because you will be on the brain, regardless of their history. because when a guy meets a girl that makes him feel amazing (aka you), he wants that feeling all the time. that’s just natural human desire for both sexes. when they no longer HAVE THAT… they CRAVE IT. if you completely dip like i said… not only do i think he will be up your ass, but i think he will 1000% move things forward with you. because bottomline is this… if you are gone, and he knows that its because you care about him and developed feelings… but you are tired of waiting and being the go to shoulder cause its just leaving you confused and upset… hes going to see you got fed up.he’s going to possibly think he lost you for good. and with that thought comes fear.because that is when he’ll think, shit… i had this amazing girl who wanted to be everything for me and i may have just lost her because i was stupid. then he thinks… and why was i stupid? cause i thought the douchebag was right for me. and what am i now? im miserable. im NOT happy.and the person that i always felt amazing with… is not here. i need to feel amazing again.
take your bow.
i have seriously zero doubts… that if you back off, this will all happen. its fool proof. matt needs to wonder where the hell you went off to, in order for him to get any fire under his ass to move this thing along… IF it is supposed to be moved along. and like i said… he could very well end up back with the ex. i know you dont want to hear it… but in a way its a positive. because if he does get back with her, he’s going to want YOU even more. because he’ll start seeing how shitty she actually is, and like i said, he will miss and CRAVE that great feeling again… and that great feeling doesnt come from her (which he will very quickly see), but it comes from you. when all is said and done, i don’t believe in games. but i also don’t believe in sticking around out of “hope” if something just isn’t going to happen. which is why i suggest you just bid him adieu for now… and see what happens. but by dropping out of his life no questions asked, if this is supposed to be… he will DEFINITELY make sure to get you back in.
i have a boyfriend. brian. been together 2 years, love him with everything in my body, live together, will definitely get married, whole nine yards. i have a friend. a best friend. his name is joey. he’s like my brother, tell him everything, go get beers weekly, we took like 98 classes together, i could tell you this kids entire life story. brian is not a jealous person, and he knows and likes joey, so me being best friends with a dude does not bother him whatsoever. brian knows i would never EVER EVER EVER cheat on him or leave him or even think about doing those things.
HOWEVER.
joey is fucking hot. like one of the most beautiful creatures that has ever existed on this planet. might be the hottest guy i’ve ever seen. joey and i have a very weird relationship. we flirt but in a “best friends” kind of way that is harmless. BUT, he has a tendency to hint that there is something more there, like he’ll send me youtube videos of songs he likes and the lyrics of the song always feel like they’re directed towards me. that might just be me overthinking it, but i dont know. he tells me EVERYTIME he hooks up with a girl. and gives me like details. and calls me when he’s having girl problems. this might just be something he does because i’m a good friend of his, but surely he has dude friends he can talk to about this.
ANYWAY, here’s where you come in.
i’ve been having dreams. extremely. vivid. dreams. about him. and it’s freaking me the fuck out. we never actually have sex, but we always come close to, and it’s always interrupted by something, but i can never remember what the interruption is. all i can remember from the dream is he and i. if you have any inkling as to what the fuck this might mean, please god help me. because i cannot wake up next to the love of my life and feel guilty for being naked in a dream with another dude hahahaha.
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i know you probably wanted to hear something universally and cosmically amazing from me…haha… but to be honest… your dreams, especially when it comes to the type that you just told me you’ve been having… are the most obvious. they actually do mean you “subconsciously” are wanting joey. even if you would never in a million years carry that over into waking life, your dreams don’t lie.
ALSO… you could be seeing that you have a great thing with brian, and you see yourself getting older, you see how you could marry him, etc… and you are scared, and “subconsciously” bringing that fear into your dreams, to where joey is the catalyst. i only say that from experience. i could be with someone, and i have been, where things were perfect, and there was someone in my life that, while nothing ever happened with us, there was starting to be a “what if”. and once married, once committed, etc…its hard to believe that this one person will be the ONLY ONE… forever.
so when you start realizing that – you – even just slightly – start to mildly panic. then you’re fine. but there is always slight panic. point is… i think whats happening is A, you do in some way have an attraction to joey, obviously. and B, subconsciously you are thinking of him as a “what if i was not with brian… would joey and i be something” type of thing. only you know who you want, who you dont want, whatever. it could also just be a sexual thing… where your curiosity in waking life, is just carrying over to dream life, and while you love brian with every part of you and want no one else but him… you’re just honestly wondering what being with joey might be like… especially that you are so close.
SO… thats really what the dreams are meaning. if you are wondering if they are trying to tell you that joey is the one… thats for you to decide my dear :)
If you have a question or need advice, please use the form below and I’ll respond as soon as possible.
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I’m extremely creative and love all things art. I was a dancer/performer all my life, and moved on to the visual side of the arts as I got older. I have a passion for England... especially British boys, haha, and I plan to one day have a place in London. I’m very honest and never bite my tongue... especially when I write. I’m confident and highly ambitious, and ever since I was a little girl, I’ve known how to make things happen. Contrary to popular belief, I like being behind the camera more than in front of it. I love animals more than I do most people. I have faith in things we cannot see, and I believe everything really does happen for a reason.
